


Revenge...

by Surisun



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Begging, Crazy Ryan Kane, Dead Anna, Drug Addiction, Emotional Hurt, Forced Addiction, Hurt No Comfort, Kidnapped Philip, Multi, Permanent Injury, Stockholm Syndrome, Torture, Warning of language, brain washing, hurt Philip, use of guns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2018-12-08 02:14:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11636841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Surisun/pseuds/Surisun
Summary: What if instead of Ryan Kane pushing Philip towards Helen in the forest and being shot dead, He ended up taking Philip as a hostage to revenge every thing that happened,What if the show had another end?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I had this idea for some time now and I thought ; why not?!  
> Here goes nothing :)  
> This is going to be a multi chapters work but to be honest, it is going to take me some time to post , so ,please be patient and enjoy this first chapter till then :)

Chapter one

 

"w-where are y-you taking me?! P-please !! Please. .let me check on L-Lukas...Please! !"

Rough hands were dragging him against the ground, little rocks and broken sticks digging painfully against his skin, exposed areas were already scratched and bleeding, both his arms where twisted harshly behind his back.,still he didn't care about the pain , he needed to make sure Lukas was okay,  
" j-just please. ."

" shut the hell up if you don't want to be knocked out now " said his kidnapper coldly, then brought the heel of his gun near Philip's head ,  
" one more word and you will go to sleep "

Philip trembled , going pale with panic,  
" o-kay" 

Kane kept moving them deep in the woods , taking away any chance for police to find him, for Helen to find him! ,unless ,maybe she followed the tracks of him being dragged , leaving a cloud of dirt behind them , that was his only hope.

Kane was starting to get tired of dragging his weight and moving fast at the same time, his movement was becoming more sluggish but extra rough with despair, he pulled Philip's restrained arms harshly bringing his body against a bunch of sharp little rocks , one of which sliced in the boys left calf , deep enough to make him scream in pain as bright red blood splashed freely from his injured limb,  
" hey ! I said shut up you bitch! "

Philip pented , fighting the tears that threaten to explode,  
" my l-leg...."  
" I will damn kill you , you hear me ! If you open your mouth again I will end you!".

Ryan warned before he shifted and grabbed the boy's bounded arms by both of his hands and started to move both of them with his back to the trees, desperate to manoeuvre the kid as far as he can ,  
" you had to be there! You had to be there and mess everything! " he said, speaking mainly to himself because right now Philip was nothing more than a body to be added to the list of dead people, he just have to use him to end Torrance too, damn stupid town sheriff and her nosy foster sun , damn both of them! 

They reached deep enough in the belly of the woods, endless lines of trees were encircling them like a collar around a neck , so deep that even the sirens sounds were barely heard even when he knew that they probably had found the other boy by now ,  
He moved to a high hill and lifted the kid in to his feet , or tried to, cause the kid's limbs were practically cooked noodles and a thick trail of blood followed his left lig making him whimper and gasp even when he tried not to make a sound like he was ordered.  
Once Philip was supported against his chest, Ryan put the gun's barrel in his side before he shouted,  
"HELEN! HELEN!" And it only took few minutes to hear the shuffling of Helen's footsteps as she approached them slowly, a pointed gun in her hands,  
"Ryan! Please leave him alone, you are already deep down in this shit ,no need to add another murder to it" she said with all the steadiness she could master, still her voice quivered a little ,  
" I didn't hurt him Helen, I didn't hurt your boy"  
Kane told her and she nodded at him even when her eyes caught the blood seeping through Philip's shredded jeans,  
" Okay Ryan, thank you for that, now please just....let him.. go"

" can't " Ryan said with scary finality in his voice,  
" he is my ticket out of here"  
She stiffened , his words borrowing dread in her stomach, she didn't even know how Philip most be feeling right now and she couldn't look at him, too , one look at him panicking was going to shutter her world and she would become a desperate mother rather than a cop , she couldn't afford it now!  
Philip couldn't afford it now !,

" Ryan, everyone knows it was you in the cabin, we already have an eyewitness.." She swallowed hard, "you are only making it worse "

Kane looked at her sharply ,  
" turn around" he ordered ,  
Helen's heart jumped inside her rib cage;  
" what are you doing Ryan? !" 

" Turn around and start walking "

" but..." she tried but Kane pushed the gun further against Philip 's head , she heard the boy's sharp intake of breath,  
" unless you want me to blow your little boy's head here like I did with his mommy, I highly recommend for you to turn away and start running to your station and wait for a call "  
He then hit Philips with his gun again before he finished talking.  
Helen looked in sheer panic as the tension left Philip's body and his head hanged low against Kane's chest,  
" Philip !" She shouted and started to move but Kane's warning stare kept her feet pinned against the ground ,  
" Turn. Away" he spoke slowly, dangerously , and Helen fought against every screaming voice in her head , she turned away and started running. .

Leaving her son back with a seriel killer...

She lift him..

..........................

Philip came around slowly. .  
Throbbing pain pulsating behind his eyes and burning pain shredding his left leg, every thing around him was in blur, his memories were a mare haze that cleared up so slowly till something like a nightmare suddenly exploded in the back of his mind , replacing the blare with a steely vice of panic that squeezed his heart,  
" my m- mom ..you k-k-killed her?"  
He whispered to the man who was still dragging him around, only God's know for how much time now. If Kane heared him , he didn't show it , but Philip didn't need to hear the answer to know what was true..  
His heart kicked vigorously , willing to just stop ,as if a wall of bricks started falling on him ,suddenly he couldn't move or breath or stop shaking, even his tounge felt heavy and thick ,words barely forming. ..

His mom was dead? ! 

But he just had a message from her ! How...? It is been few weeks since he saw her, how possibly for this to be the last time he would ever see her? He didn't even say a proper goodbye! 

Kane roughly pushed him inside the backseat of some car , not even looking at him,

" move, you piece of shit!"

" my mom...?" Philip repeated , tears already running on his face,  
" p-please. .tell me it is not t-true..she...she is not d-d.." he couldn't say the word , 

Kane hit him hard in his side with the muzzle of the gun, making him whimper between broken sobs,  
" don't worry. .you will be following her soon if you miss her so much "  
Then Kane took something out of no where  
, Philip saw the shine of something metal against the slowly darking sky,

" I guess this is nothing new for you, right? Mommy gave you a taste of her medicine before , yeah?" Kane laughed 

Then a foreign burn ran through Philip's veins and made his body tremble like it was an electric shock, every thing started slowing, his eyes fluttered and when they opened the voices around him drifted far a way , then they flattered again and it took them a longer time te reopen. ..  
Something like peace engulfed him , his mind went blank with deep relief, and for a few minutes he didn't remember ever feeling sad or hurt..  
He was flying. ...  
" ......junky......of shit. ...up"  
He heared words coming from behind invisible thick wall, but nothing registered, the sound was drifting and all he can here was old sad harmony his mom used to hum when he was really young, soft tone shyly touching his soul and awakening old beautiful memory of being warm and safe...  
Colours all around him spin fast as if he was looking through the window of a travelling train , and he couldn't keep following the rapid moving strips before they all disappeared and was replaced by dark starless sky..but still everything was perfect, he felt on top of the world. ..

.................

 

He just shoved the salk body of the semi consciousne drugged kid and closed the car's door before he hit the gas as fast as he can , passing endless miles of green woods before he got the kid's phone and dialed one of the top names of his dialing list,  
" Helen "

" Kane. .. where is Philip? What did you do with my son?" 

Her voice quivered but remain firm ,  
" if you just lay a finger on him..."

He laughed before she could finish  
" what will you do Helen? What can you possibly do ? You don't even know where I took him"

There was a pause before she spoke,  
" what you are doing won't change anything Ryan, every thing ..All what you did , what happened in the cabin , Bella , Lukus ,An-ne.." she stopped for a moment, " it is over"

" not if I still have a saying in it " he said then looked at the dirty road ahead of him and spoke calmly ,  
" if you want to see your son again you will make sure I get a free out "  
He heared the heavy breathing across the the other end of the phone,  
" It is out of my hand now , I can't do any thing even if I tried...There were witnesses ,you didn't clean behind you as good as you thought "  
" well..you do what you have to do to fix it then.."  
" Ryan, I can't just..."  
He interrupted " Philip doesn't look so good, I don't think he has a lot of time "

He then threw the phone from the open car's window ignoring the pained noises that tried to reason him..

................

" you got him?!" Asked Helen desperately but Tony shook his head sadly as he raised his head from the laptop screen,  
" sorry Helen we lost the single before we can locate him"  
She sighed deeply and sagged slowly in the nearest chair , her solid wall threatening to break down and let a flood of overwhelming emotions swallow her and every one in her suddenly narrow office, Gabe somehow caught it and crossed the room to hug her gently to his side,  
" he will be okay , we will get him back" he assured her, but she couldn't believe him even a little, Ryan Kane was the definition of a heartless psychopathic murder, and his words ..echoed painfully in the back of her mind,  
" for all of we know he could've killed him now"  
Gabe flinched, " No.."  
" you don't know who is Kane ! What he is capable of! " a small tear rushed over her cheek before she wipe it forcefully and moved away, abounding the safety of his warm chest to the cold scary world again, she didn't deserve to feel safe when her kid was somewhere out there alone and hurt . Her emotions hit her by surprise and suddenly her tears were running heavy and hot on her cheeks ,far away from being controlled,  
" I lost him..I lost Philip " she murmured guilty,  
" I just realised how much I love him just to end up losing him"  
She moved fast , walking toe and fro before blurting out of the station , few moments from getting suffocated by the stall air inside.  
Gabe was torn between following her and giving her some space, his own fear and guilt eating him a life . He ended up sagging down in some chair and covering his face by both his hands,

Was it too late for his kid ?  
Was there any chance for him and Helen to ever have a family?

...........................

 

Kane withdrew yet another dose of Heroin before pushing it roughly in the blue vein that stood hard against the tight tourniquet, he watched in amazement as the writhing body went limp within a second under his hands. The kid lay down on the dirty floor with half lidded eyes that looked at nothing and a hanged open mouth that drew soft oblivious breaths. He felt disgusted by the mare look of the drugged body, blood matted hair and dirty pale skin but still looking like his head was between the clouds , chemical euphorics pulsating through his twitching fingers,

" you are a disgusting bitch, you know?"

He spit on the kid's face not expecting any reaction,  
" but this is the least that you deserve after what you did, All the troubles that you caused.."

He slapped the kid's face hard but Philip's head only fall to his side with a low grunt , unrecognisable murmer passing his lips,

" killing you will be making you a favour !" Kane looked a him with jumping rage behind his eyes,  
" killing you will make it easy for Helen and that whore boyfriend of yours , I'll rather to throw your crack ass in some dirty alley and watch their faces when they find you burned out, writhing in agony and begging for your dope like a the desperate bitch that you are"

He then kicked him hard enough to send him to the far corner of the dirty basement,  
" Ruin you forever like you and your stupid boyfriend had to open your mouth and ruin my life !!"

He spit one last time for good measures then walked away, locking up the limp body in the dark,  
" I'll be up till you scream your ass out when you need your next blast "

..........


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning of physical and emotional torture.

"Lukus wake up"  
" Lukus please..."  
" Please don't do that.."  
His eyes snapped open with a gasp, the panicked tone of Philips voice rang softly at the back of his mind, his eyes was darting slowly around him to find his boyfriend and tell him not to worry ,but Philip wasn't there, in fact he was alone in a semi dark hospital room with no idea when and how he got there. He glanced to his chest and saw a new white bandage peaking from under the thin hospital gown, he was still tired but not in much pain like he remembered what waking up in a hospital last time felt like. It took few moments for every thing to click in his mind ,the last time he woke up at a hospital was actually a long time ago! like days ago ! And then he had his dad , Philip and Helen waiting for him to open his eyes,  
But it was not just them , there was also some one else...  
The man from his worst nightmare. ..

He swallowed the sudden panic that hit him,  
The man from the cabin....  
Last time he was awake ,Kane , the killer from the cabin was pointing a gun to both his and Philip's chests ...  
His chest went tight wit realisation .  
Where is Philip?! 

He couldn't breath....  
Did the killer shoot him?

Black dots danced in front of his eyes..  
Is Philip dead?!

He was about to pass out when his dad's voice pulled him out of his racing thoughts ,  
" calm down. ..breath " he kept saying and Lukus just held in the words like a drowning Man grasping a stretched hand .  
Only when his mind felt calm enough to sort words out that he dared to speak,  
"D- Dad.."  
His dad's face filled his eyes , worry and fear making him look paler than Lukus ever remembered,  
" Is Philip Okay?"  
There was a moment of silence, he watched his dad's throat pops few times, swallowing the words before he finally spoke,  
" No ,son . ...that killer took him"

Lukus world crushed , a sharp ringing filled his ear,  
" t- t-took h-him ..?!"

His dad's hands was on his shoulders again ,grounding him,  
" Sheriff Torrance will do everything she can to bring him back "  
He felt his head moving not really sure wather he was nodding or shaking it . A dark dread filled his stomach making it impossible to swallow,  
" w-what if ..what if.."  
" don't you worry, he will be just fine"  
But Lukus wasn't as sure , no one would ever be sure and all he was capable of thinking about is  
" what if. ..what if.."  
................................................  
Screaming..  
Crying ...  
Begging. .  
Swearing that he would do anything he wanted if he just took the pain away..

Kane smiled, he didn't think that he would be enjoying something in his life like he was enjoying the humiliation display in front of his eyes. The boy was laying in a pool of his own vomiting and sweat , kicking in the air and hitting his own head against the ground every time a muscle spasm shook through his body. His face was a sticky mess of blood, tears and mucous, and both his arms were wrapped protectively around his mid section like he could stop his spasming stomach. Kane felt euphoric just looking at him, walking around him in circles, watching as the boy stretched his arm in his direction, begging him to make it stop, the tender need in his voice when he sobbed was feeding this deep starving need in Ryan's heart to feel that he was in control, to have the power over someone else, to kill him or to let him live, make him do anything and everything he wished for,  
" what would you do to make the pain stop ,Philip? "  
" an-nything ....anythin. .p-please" came the hoarse voice , slurred like the words were too heavy on his tongue, 

" please what ? A good bitch should learn how to ask respectfully ".

" p-please...Sir ..sir"

" I really don't know if you deserve it , I mean you made such a mess ! some of it even spilled on my shoes , why would I give you anything when you are such a dirty bitch?!"  
The boy just cried harder , curling on himself and leaning slightly to embty his stomach once more, he ended up coughing and gasping for so long that Kane thought he was going to chalk and die any moment, but then he just stopped and lay back near the new mess he just did. Ryan huffed in disbelief, ,  
" you are a pig !!... just come here and lick my shoes clean if you want me to give you anything "  
He watched in fascination as the semi dead kid found some power in him to push on to his knees and crawl , it took him long painful minutes to reach where Kane stood but then the man walked few steps back and laughed hard at Philip's new tears running on his face,  
" Earn it bitch " he shouted and kept walking away every time Philip almost reached him.  
He walked in circles for half an hour, watching the kid getting desperate and frustrated by each moment, stopping every little while to vomit or spasm , wheezing with effort . Finally , just before he was sure the boy was going to give up , he stood there and allowed him to lick his shoes, his laughter sounds covering Philips muffled cries.  
when he was finally satisfied by the boy's work he took out a filled syringe and pushed it in one of Philip's veins ,then he just walked away, leaving him face down not caring if he chalk himself to death this time.

..........................

Lukus was sitting at the lake , the blue in his eyes is the exact shade of the water he was looking at. His fingers ran slowly through the still water like it was an extention of his own body , no telling where do his fingers end and or the water drops start.  
Philip thought that he looks like an angel that fill from the sky, so beautiful , so pure and too good to be real.They were sitting across from one another , Lukus playing with water and Philip watching him for what felt like an eternity, but Philip didn't mind doing this for the rest of his life .He couldn't remember being that happy and relaxed since a very long time, he closed his eyes and let his mind wonder for just a moment.

" Philip, stay with me " 

Said Lukus suddenly, Philip opened his eyes to assure him that of course he will , that he will never leave, but then he followed Lukus eyes to where they travelled , and right there in the middle of the lake stood Anne , with a warm smile on her face that shined like the sun .  
Philip stood up surprised, willing to walk towards her , her warmth attracting him like a magnet ,every fiber in his body suddenly craved her touch , but then Lukus hand was a tight band around his , pulling him away ,  
" no Philip, don't go "

" but this is my mom ,Lukus "  
Lukus eyes were pleading him to stay ,  
" you will get lost , please don't leave me"  
He kept saying and Philip didn't understand how could he ever get lost when his mom was right there , he squirmed away from Lukus restraining hand with a promise to come back and started walking to where his mom was standing, she wasn't talking or moving and when he got close to her , he could see that her eyes weren't seeing him too , he called her but she didn't answer, and when he finally stretched his hand to touch her cheek , it passed right through her head. He shook his head in shoke , and jumped to where the mirage was before .He felt the dread settling down in his stomach and when he looked back to where Lukus was sitting few moments ago ,no one was there ...  
He was alone in the middle of the lake ... He started to run back to the land but something from beneath the deep water gripped his right leg and sent him hard and fast under the water ,he gasped involuntary and his lungs burnt with the water that filled them , he coughed and fought for air but each time he wanted to rise his head above water the invisible force kept him there, he kicked and pinched desperately, fighting for breath that seemed impossible till his head was spinning with effort and lack of oxygen . It didn't take him much time to know that he was drowning...  
He closed his eyes. .

But then the ivinsible force let go of him as fast as it first caught him and he felt himself jerking up , sitting on the ground, no water and no sky. He laid back exhausted and swallowed a deep breath, this time the air filled his lungs, so he just kept repeating the same action ,his body shaking with the effort of it.

He didn't know how much time he had spent just laying there, gasping and coughing till his lungs stopped burning, but when he finally dared to open his eyes he was staring at a low featureless ceiling that felt like it was only few meters from crashing down and suffocate him, the smell was horrible, and he turned his head curiously to see where was the source of it ,he found few pools of unrecognisable fluid splashed around his head ,so he dragged his body away disgusted by it, and that was when he felt the random pains across his battered body, His left eye wasn't opening, and his lift leg was really cold.

" you are awake"  
Came a venom laced voice from somewhere not so far . Foot steps started getting closer till a thin snake like face came in to his view.  
Philip forced his right eye to close as his body started to tremble, at that moment he knew exactly where he was and what happened to him , the splashed fluid beside his head wasn't foreign any more, in fact his stomach clenched violently in recognition.

" I thought you would sleep till the morning" the man crouched near the sprawled body ,  
" good thing I came to check "

Philip just cried...

"You know what? I don't like you in this phase "  
He smiled,  
"You are not so bad when you lay down drooling and dead to the world like an idiot"

He moved his fingers above the boy's face without touching it , just ghostly tracing the blue and yellow bruising  
" and you are astonishingly beautiful when you writhe in pain , all " please sir" , and " I will do anything ,sir" , I like you the best then"  
He sighed, " but then you wake up like this"  
He touched his face and Philip flinched hard which earned him a hard slap on his face,  
" all stubborn and cocky " another hit that made Philips head explode with pain , he moaned like a gutted animal  
" I don't want to do this Philip, really , I am not a bad man , but you make me hurt you , you make me beat you "  
He held Philips chain in one hand and smoothed the boys hair by the other,  
" no one likes a cocky bitch Philip, no one appreciates ungrateful scammed junkie asses"  
He traced the new red lines and the busted bleeding lip ,  
" Did you know that it had been 3 days since we came to this place"  
Philips kept real quiet under his hand , not even daring to breath,  
" no one had tried to look out for you , not even your foster mom , I personally think she already started looking for a new kid to start the family she wants so bad.  
Even your boyfriend doesn't care, he is out of hospital, back to school, hanging out with old friends and putting you behind him like an old used rag , in fact everyone and everything in that town is back to normal like you had never been there"

Philip shivered ,

" but I understand. .."  
He stroked Philips face with fake gentleness,  
" I grew up without parents, I know how it feels to be alone in this world "  
He wiped Philips tears  
" I am willing to take care of you , even that you are annoying and you make hell of a mess, I am willing to feed you , clean you and give you your medicine "  
He leaned and kissed the boy's forehead , then whispered in his ear,  
" I will take care of you "  
.........................................

" where did you go last night, Gabe?"  
Helen stood at the house door with her hands crossed over her chest, Her hair was dishevelled and she had dark bags under her eyes and the fact that she was still in her uniform only meant that she slept again in the station , caming home only few hours ago,

" it is no' like you were her' yoursel' " slurred Gabe, obviously drunk , and the sheriff only felt like screaming in frustration,  
" not everyone has the luxury of drinking their sorrow every night, someone need to actually look for our son"

The drunk man just let out a deep laugh and swayed till he ended up sitting on the doorstep,  
" and did you fin' him?! Cause las' thing I hear' that the FBI themselves don' care "

" well even if the FBI won't send a team to look out for Philip I won't just step aside and let Kane kill him!"

" arrrre you serioussss? ! What can a small town cop do against an FBI serial kille'? Even I can see that this nothin' but bullshit ambitious illusion, and 'am stoned " he giggled,  
" nooooo ,' am actually wasted " 

Helen felt her blood boil with anger , she snatched her coat and ran to where her cruise was parked with no intention to come home anytime soon,  
" he isssss probably already dead, you kno'?" Shouted Gabe  
" it is not like he was our son for real"  
She turned around slowly looking at him with utter shock in her eyes,  
" what?!"  
" don' get me wrong, I looooved the kid but...I won't. ..just..." He shook his head and leaned against the door drowsy , his eyes closed few minutes before his soft snores filled the air.  
She just stayed frozen in her place several minutes watching him , his words drilling bitter ache in her heart , because even though she knew he really didn't mean any of them , and he will forget about it when he is sober, it still was the ugliest words anyone could say about Philip..

Her son Philip. ..

She swallowed the tears , climbed to the car and drove away, not caring about the speed limit or the fact that she barely slept in the last few days, there was still one person she thought can help her to find Philip and she had to go and ask her for help...  
...............


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow ! That turned up to be longer than I thought. .hope you like it :)

"I need your help" said Helen,with odd vulnerability.   
She stood on the doorstep wearing her heart on her sleave , pleading for what she believed was her last hope to get Philip back . She wasn't, under any circumstance,s willing to surrender or negotiate losing him,not only because he was the foster son who grew in to her but also because she owed it to his poor mom Anne whom she felt somehow responsible for her death.  
After all , she was the sheriff, and she worked with Kane so she should have seen it earlier.   
The clock ticked , every passing second took away more of the chances of ever finding Philip, time was a big issue here, and she didn't know how much more she can afford wasting. 

Kamilah Davis, on the other hand , didn't look as excited , in fact She looked both irritated and hesitate, almost like she was bracing herself not to ask the sheriff to leave,  
" I don't know how exactly did you find me, or if you know that I don't work with the FBI anymore , but honestly I would like you to leave"  
" Kamilah, Kane kidnapped my foster son , I am not just gonna turn my back and leave , I need your help and I am not moving from here till I have you in my side "

"Oh my god ! Okay..listen Helen , I am sorry about Philip , really , but this is not my business anymore , I don't even think I am the right person to help you "  
Helen shook her head,  
"Kamilah, please! the FBI Beruea are not taking any actions, they say that sending a team to look out for Kane is a waste of recourses! All they did was to notify his description to airports and border points in case he tried to get out of the country , but you and I know that this is ridiculous! Kane can be hiding anywhere under our noses , waiting for him to get caught this way is like giving him a damn permission to do whatever he wants!"

" well , this is the protocol Helen !whether we like or not, you can't blame the FBI for being responsible, they don't really have any real information about Kane! and going after him blindly will be like chasing a freaking ghost .The man spent the majority of his life training in military, he served in Iraq and worked in the FBI for the last 4 years without a single black dot in his files.  
He managed to kill people under the FBI nose without ever having any misgivings about him, this is how good he is. We are not just talking a serial killer here ,we are talking about a trained master mind criminal , do you get that?!"

" I know , but .." Helen tried but kamilah cut her short,  
" there is no 'but' Helen , I understand that you are emotionally jacked up right now, I don't envy you by any mean, believe me, but practically speaking here: going after Kane all by yourself is a unquestionablely a suicide! Not to mention its also useless and stupid! And your attempt of dragging me with you into this mess won't change any of the outcomes !"  
" kamilah, I beg you to understand.. "  
She walked till she was facing the former FBI , only couple of inches between their faces,  
"you turn your back on me right now and Philip dies! Kane wants me to find a way to get him out of the murders and it is insane! It is impossible! ...  
my only other option is to try and find where did he take Philip"

Kamelah huffed, she was not in a mood for fighting for losing case and she was just ready to shout that exactly in Helen's face when high cries pierced her ears, she shook her head and walked in as fast as she can to where the baby jake was crying out his eyes, then she picked him up and rocked him gently , whispering nonsense in his ears till he calmed down . she then turned her back to the door only to find Helen standing few steps from her with tears shinning eyes,  
She then walked slowly and pat the baby's little head and smiled softly,   
" Kamilah , you are the only one who can understand what I am going through, Jake here is not really yours , but still you would never allow anything bad to happen to him, right?"

" Helen " she said little angrily ,  
" this is different, jake is my nephew, my sister's son ! I promised her before she dies that I'll take care of him"

" Philip's mom died too and I am the only one left to care about him Kamilah! "

" Helen .."   
She didn't know how exactly to change the sheriff's mind , the woman was unreasonably stubborn at this point that it seemed useless to carry on in this argument,   
" Even if I wanted to help I would never know how, Kane was my boss ! I was just a small unimportant FBI agent, they had tens like me , I don't know anything"  
Helen beamed a little,   
" but you still have conections ! Informal recourses that big shots in offices don't know any thing about! I am sure you do! And those people can help us find Kane or trace his steps" Helen pegged. 

Jakey was finally asleep in Kamilah's arms so she kissed him softly on his head then put him in his crip before she walked to the kitchen with Helen in her toes ;  
" This is too dangerous " she poured herself a cup of coffee and sat at the counter,   
"I am sorry, Helen , but I can't put my self in this type of risks knowing that Jake will have no one if something bad happened to me"

Helen shock her head frantically,   
" no ! No ! I won't ever put you through any thing that can hurt you ! I swear all I want is for you to make some calls ,anyone who may know where Kane might go , people who can keep an eye for a man with Kane description "  
Kamilah sighed ,   
" you are putting a lot of faith in nothing here Helen , all of this can turn out to be a massive disappointment, and I am not going to take any blame if you ended up with a broken heart, but okay , I will see what I can do"  
" thank you! Thank you so much"  
" don't thank me now , your kid still had a big chance of not making it"  
..........................

Apparently drinking himself everynight to sleep turned out to be not a very good idea since it didn't erase any of the real problems.  
He didnt forgot that Philip is missing and probably badly hurt, how did he , anyway ?! So , he only ended up having a horrible hangover every morning instead.  
And honestly, what is the point in drinking if he is going to wake up sober the next day? He wished there was a long lasting type of alcohol or something but at the same time he felt disgusted by his tendency to ran out and hide from his problems like a cowered .

Gabe was still nursing a bad headache and horrible nausea raging in his stomach when the phone started ringing. It was Tony asking about Helen who's apparently hadn't been at the station since yesterday and her phone was out of coverage. Gabe tried not to worry too much, even when it made no sense for Helen to suddnly disappear when she was practicly camping in her office , collecting leads to find Kane . He tried calling her himself but his call was sent directly to the voice mail..  
It was kind of weird and worrying. .  
But he couldn't not feel little guilty however, about the fact that he himself drove her out by the way he was acting in the last few days.   
The truth is alcohol made him do horrible horrible things , he is a jerk when he is drunk , no doubt there, and even if he didn't remember what he did while heavy drunk he had a fair share of old experiences of bar fights and loved ones disappointed in him in the following mornings, so he knew, drinking was bad , but it was also the only thing to do after spending long nights of continuous thinking about all the terrible things that might be happening to Philip, plus the very frightening fact that he might be already dead , oh God!..

Helen buried herself in work, running between police stations and FBI , searching and following leads like a manic , but he only sat behind like the useless drunk that he was, not knowing how to really help beside mattering false words of hope that rapidly turned silly and lost any meaning . But he was only a vet ,for God's sake! he didn't know what he was supposed to do , he didn't understand how policework goes or what to expect from any of it and Helen, obviously, was getting devastated day after day without he knowing how to fix anything!   
He didn't know how he was supposed to make her feel any better when he himself was drowning in a deep ocean of fear and hopelessness.   
And this exactly was when a glass of Jack Daniels turned in to a 2 and 3 and 4 till he lost counting..

He felt like he was turning in to his old self , the drunk jerk he was before ever meating Helen and falling in love with her, a man he promised himself to never be again.  
What a freaking lier!  
Come to think about it , Helen was right about leaving home and maybe even leaving him for good , he deserve it..  
How exactly he was going to be anything of decent husband or a father if he couldn't get himself together and slipped too esely everytime something bad happened? How dare he says that he loves her and Philip than betrays their trust like this?  
Because everyone was suffering right now, so, who gave him the right to feel better, even for a little while, when they don't? This was the most selfish and unresponsible anyone can be. .  
He huffed in utter tiredness before he stood up and walked through their home, collecting all the whisky bottles , full and empty, in to a big black plastic bag and took them outside, with a renewed vow of fixing the horrible things he did.  
This shit should end up soon , he owns it to both his wife and his kid , and that is exactly what he was going to do.  
He finished the task with a new sense of fight that pumped through his veins . Hangover rapidly forgotten, he went out side to get rid of the poisoning .   
At the back door ,however , he heard a movement and when he advanced he found a hunched figure sitting there with his back to the wall of the house ,  
" Lukus?! What are you doing here? " he called surprised,  
But the he boy didn't seem to hear him, his face was covered by both his hands and his blonde hair was a mess that was sticking out in every direction,   
" Lukus, son, are you alright? "  
Gabe moved slowly for not to startle him, he placed his hand on the boy's shoulder gently but still Lukus flinched violently and jumped a feet in the air before landing to his feet, his breathing was alarmingly erratic and his eyes were red and unfocused   
" G-Gabe?"  
" yes ,son, it is me" he walked slowly towards him without touching him,  
"I am sorry ..I didn't mean to scare you "

Lukus only nodded and swallowed few times like he was trying not to cry,  
"I.. I'm sorry..I just couldn't sit in home alone anymore, I c-can leave if you want me to "

" No!no ..of course not son , you can always come here and spend as much time as you need "  
Lukus let out a small breath and slided down to the ground again , seemingly too exhausted to keep up with standing.  
Gabe knew it was only a week since the kid lift the hospital and honestly he still looked like shit,  
"does your dad know you are here?"

Lukus shook his head slowly, failing to stop one lonely tear from escaping his eye,  
" dad is not home all the day , he doesn't really care where I go"  
" come on Lukus, I am sure this is not true now"  
The boy only insisted,   
" he is so sick of me not getting better and I ...I just can't ..not when Philip. ." He started sobbing and Gabe felt his heart break,  
" Lukus, come on let's go inside , it is kind of cold out here"  
They walked slowly in to the middle of the living room, Gabe noticing the way the boy was walking like he was dragging his own body behind him, a broken human who's carrying the world weight above his shoulders. He looked pale and thin , the way chronically sick people looked like, and the older man could only sigh in sadness .  
He didn't see Lukus since the day that Kane took Philip , he didn't know how bad was it till now,  
" would you like to have something to eat or drink son? Did you had any lunch?"  
"No..no, I am not hungry ...t-thanks "

" Lukus, you should eat something, you look like you are going to fill down any moment "  
" please...just.." he left the words hanging there but his face told Gabe not to push anymore so the man just nodded and allowed them both to sit down .  
Lukus was still fighting his tears when he spoke,  
"Is t-there any news about P-philip? " 

When Gabe sadly shook his head no the boy shoulders fill and he cried little louder,  
" Lukus, Helen will make sure he comes home safe son , we are not giving up on him"  
" but you don't know what is Kane like! He k-killed those men in the cabin without looking twice ! He doesn't m-mind killing, he can just kill ph-ph.."

" he won't, because he want Helen to help him get out and he knows she won't if he hurts Philip.."  
" b-but what if he g-got bored of waiting and just decided to do things differently! He will kill him an-nd run away"

" we can't think like that. ."  
" but it c-can happen! " he jumped to his feet and started pacing,   
" he c-could've took me ! He s-should've took me ! It was supposed t-to be me.."  
" Lukus .."  
" I was the witness! I should b-be the one with him not philip"

" okay Lukus stop now! This is not your fault okay? Niether of you should have been involved in this shit! "

" yes ! It was my f-fault!I took Philip to the cabin, and I told him not to t-tell anyone what we saw, I ...I .." he suddenly started swaying dangerously on his feet, his face turned even paler than before , Gabe was by his side in a moment,   
" Hey! Whooow there ,Dear Lord , when was the last time you ate or slept?!" 

He sat them down and put a glass of water in the boys trembling hands,  
" you look like a zombie kid" he said bitterly,   
" how many hours did you sleep yesterday Lukus? "  
The boy cried quitly and shook his head,  
" c-cant sleep cause of the n-nightmares"  
Gabe frowned in frustration,   
"Lukus , look at me" he rose the boys chin till their eyes met , sad browns looking at broken blues  
"Philip will be so mad when he comes back only to find you killing yourself like this"  
Lukus sobbed harder and Gabe moved his arms around the fragile teenager,  
" he is going to come back " he said tightening the hug,  
"I promise, we are going to get him back "  
...................  
He kept drifting between unconsciousness and waking for God only knows how much time.  
But then he stopped sleeping all the time and became more alert and it was awful, at least when he was asleep he wasn't thinking, but the moment his eyes opened , his brain would've start jumping between the past and the present in an endless loop mercilessly till his head feels like it is about to exploud. Sometime, even his head exploding seemed a very good thing to happen if it was to turn his brain off for a while and takes this torture away .  
Sad enough though,he was never that lucky, the thoughts remaind attached to his head like a leaching mite that sucked the life slowly out of him.  
Till one day , he woke up screaming and just couldn't! Couldn't close his eyes and see every bad thing in his brain going in to repeat and repeat and repeat...

Instead , he tried so hard to picture a blank page and shut down everything .  
Everytime he closed his eyes , a huge space of white was firmly fixed up there..  
He tried not to think nor to feel .   
He put his memories togather with his everyday reality in to a thick metal box and buried it deep in the button of his soul, not daring to open it even when it itched so bad to be opened.  
And he kept doing it feverishly till it become easier.   
He remind himself that he could survive it , thinking about people or places from his old life was dangerous, all he needed at the moment is to exist , an empty bag of bone and meat with nothing more, not to pay attention and not to care.

So if he was sleeping in the middle of his own body fluids because he was to weak to move , he only needed to look straight to the ceiling and pretend he wasn't.   
And if the dark bruesis on his arm around the needle marks were making his eyes sting with shame and humiliation, he buried his arms under the sleeves of his his shredded black shirt.

It took time but evantually he made himself forget.

Numbness was easier and more tolerable. Physical pain was something palpable to focus on after a particular hard panic attack, and feeling the crave for the drugs was easily a priority in the middle of other hurtful craves .   
He sat there in some dark basement like a rag doll , lifeless and numb, allowing Kane to enjoy his weakness and need, begging him for drugs like a cheap one dollar whore and calling him sir like it was a holy mantra.  
But apparently Kane wanted more. the man kept showing up, sometimes with food , water and drugs, and sometimes with wooden bars and leather belts . Some days he showered him with gentle touches and soft praises but others , he cursed him and beat him till he passed out.  
He didn't rape him though, Philip waited for this to happen but it never did, and it felt confusing like hell, because men like Ryan just break people like that , so why didn't he do it already? Or was he waiting to deliver it in a special occasion in the most violent bloody possible way? It was an anticipation game at the moment, Philip prepared himself for it every minute the door opened.  
But Kane wasn't an predictable man , he did things without any logical order and for Philip , it felt like riding a freakin roller coaster till his head was spining and his body was drained both emotionally and physically .  
It felt like Kane was breaking him then re bulding him again too many times till the boy was sure it was impossible for him to be whole again .At this moment he got it , Kane didn't need to Rape him because he can't get more broken. 

Logically, Philip knew he should care, he should freak out , but doing this threatened to break the dam of which he held everything behind, he was afraid if he peaked behind the thick mental wall in his head he will end up drowning in panic and pain , and that was a huge risk to take , so anyway..   
He ignored the warning bells going crazy in his head and gave up to the delicious numbness , letting Kane win this round just like he won every other one before,

 

" give me your other arm , the veins in this one are all ruined " Ryan told him one of the times he was ready to inject him and take away the crave that was eating up in him for some time now .  
Philip stretched his other arm immediately without thinking ,

" you should know that this was inevitable okay?"  
Ryan said suddnly, looking at him while palpating for a new vein in his arm,   
"Sons of slum junkies don't just go to collage and become high class cetizins , you would have ended up being a junkie too just like your whore mom , it is agenetic thing "  
Philip's breath picked up and he clenched his fists involuntary , he fought so hard not to cry again, but even after all this time of ignoring the man humiliating words, he had no control over the fact that some still penetrated deep within him more than the others .   
His mom was a deep open cut that never actually had been allowed to heal, 

" it may look like I killed her by an overdose , but the truth is she enjoyed every moment of it , I saw it in her eyes and heard it in her moans, the bitch was wholeheartedly begging me with her eyes even when she was pushing my hand away"

Philip felt nauseous, his body started shaking while he let out a small sob, Ryan hands tightened around his arm in warning,   
" dope heads just can't get better Philip , it runs in their blood, you perfectly knows your dear mama was going to O.D sooner or later, you thought about it all your life, right? growing up and watching her wasting all your money on drugs , not eating or sleeping in the sake of feeling high, ha , I know you knew she would end up dead at some point , so don't you lie to yourself .  
You know Iactually only gave her what she wanted"   
Philip whimpered ,   
No ! no! , don't think about it! he kept chanting in his head ,  
God, please...  
Don't let him think about her..

But Ryan didn't seem happy with the reaction, he took the syringe away before actually pushing the plunger,  
" I am telling the truth Philip, am I not?"  
When the boy didn't answer ,the man face turned red and he kicked him hard in his rips,  
" what did I told you about disrespecting me, you filthy piece of shit?! When I ask you a freakin question, I expect you to freakin answer!!"

He kept hitting the boy till Philip curled on himself gasping,   
" p-please" he gasped ,

" p-please....stop..n-no more" he cried,

" answer me !!"

" please!!"

" stop messing around and answer the freakin question! !"

" y-yes ..yes!" Philip screamed ,  
" yes!! ..Please. ."

Ryan stopped,  
" what was that?"

" y-yes ..y-you are right , just p-please..no more"

" say your full sentences like a good boy Philip " Ryan pulled him by his hair , looking directly to his eyes,  
" speak !" He ordered,

" you ...you helped my m- mom.." Philip sobbed ,   
" you took her pain a way..."

" yes?" Ryan encouraged, 

" t-thank you ..Thank you for helping my m-mom ..sir"  
Ryan smirked and let him go, his head falling back hard against the ground,   
" I did..and now for you to know that I am truly a good man ,I am going to overlook what you just did and still jack you up , even though you don't deserve it "  
Philip sobbed quietly,  
" t-t hank you ..thank you...sir"..

The burn in his veins was beautiful, his tears dried and his sadness went far far away and for a moment there, Philip felt he was in heaven .  
........


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time goes on and things change, it is kind of inevitable..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I wrote this without having anytime to take a second look so I will apreciate pointing out any mistakes. .  
> *Now this chapter changes everything, I don't want to give things out for you to enjoy reading it but I would like to know what do you , guys, think?

Philip was shivering. 

His rags for clothes were only clinging to his open cuts without giving any sort of warmth and no matter how hard he curled on himself like a rolled paper he found no rest. He started to cry without even knowing ,all he could think about was warmth , heat, fire  
..anything else but his frozen world .

His body was covered with some kind of water or something that made his skin even colder, he touched his face slowly and found the same fluid socked his brow. his woozy mind supplied the word "sweat' and Philip would have rolled his eyes at his own silly idea if he could master any power, sweat meant hot but how could that be true when Philip's teeth were shuttering and his his body was shaking. 

Images started to flash behind his closed eyelids , sweaty blonde hair under a motorcycle's helmet, smiling blue eyes with a hint of permanent fear always shining in them, sounds of laughter and dirty barns ..  
He didn't understand where these were coming from? What was a dream and what was not ? But the small warmth that blossomed in his heart for a second was definitely real , in his mind he found some peace for the first time in what felt like eternity, and he thought that may be he was dying, his body and his mind were started to separate and soon enough all the pain would be gone..  
He welcomed the possibility with open arms and closed his eyes in surrender, everything in this life was momentary, even dying. .All the pain would soon be gone..  
He was so busy in his own thoughts to hear the click of opening door or the steps that followed, he even missed the weird look the man gave him.  
But then rough hands were yanking him up and taking him away from his long waited relief , in less than a second all the agony came with vaginas and his world exploded in pain . White hot pain that made the coldness from before seems merciful and kind , he thought he screamed when he felt the ground shifting under him , his jarred body was being dragged from the dark room in to a blinding light that made his eyes burn and he cried in agony , his back hit a sharp object that made it arch , his heart went crazy and his lungs ached with the lack of air, too much , oh God!! he sobbed and whimpered , begging for the torture to Stop but it didn't , even when he seized and his body went rigid the moment his left shoulder hit something hard making his stomach lurch and his eyes flutter..

The hands finally took mercy on him and scoped his body in to some sort of vertical position, Philip's head swam and his eyes rolled in their sockets before a strong spray of hot water hit him in the face , he gasped and tried to curl on himself, but strong hands held him tight in place. Ryan face filled his vision but Philip paid no attention to the man taking off his clothes and directing the hot spray to the rest of his body, it took only few minutes for the pain to subside a little for him to breath , he felt his body relaxing and his mind getting little clearer . The hot water soothed the painful knots and warmth was not a distant dream anymore.  
Ryan pat his soaring shoulder and his bleeding back , he cleaned around the open wounds and blue bruises, and Philip numbingly let him . The boy allowed his aching body to melt under the calming fingers and some rosy smelling soap , closing his eyes when Ryan soft shush filled his ears, he didn't care he was naked and exposed , all that matters was the beautiful relief that engulfed him.

The man eventually turned off the shower, and Philip had no time mourning the loss of warmth before he was wrapped in a big fluffy towel and Ryan started helping him to his feet , even when Philip's knees buckled he was there to catch him before he falls.  
He guided him to a small room , the smallest that Philip had ever seen, but there was a bed there with folded clothes on it and Philip's eye froze on the nice looking bed and his heart gave a happy twig.

He was helped in to a big sweatshirt and some sweats , then lied him in to the bed, that felt like feather under his aching back before Ryan made him drink a glass of water and some pills and for a moment Philip didn't see any monsters in the room , Ryan was in fact the definition of gentle kindness and when he smoothed Philip's hair and told him to have some rest , the boy never flinched or resisted.  
He was deeply sleeping within a second and when he woke up later , he found that Ryan had never left the room. 

" this is going to be your new room "  
Ryan said , and Philip despite feeling more lucid than earlier didn't understand what was happening.

Ryan smiled at him and smoothed his hair again ,

"I am the only one who actually give a damn about you , you know that?" he said ,

"I could have shoot you just like I did with the others , but I didn't, I didn't cause I like you Philip, you are different, you are important to me"

 

Philip shivered but not from cold this time,

" I am going to trust you Philip I don't want you to do anything stupid and break my trust " Ryan warned,

" I only want respect and obedience...and In return I'll keep you alife"  
He moved close till he was whispering in Philip's ear, 

" I'll take such good care of you...even get you your disgusting drugs"  
He ran his fingers in the brown curls of hair before fisting a handful of them , making the boy moan softly in pain, 

" you have to only freakin listen"

" okay ?" He let him go then stood to his feet,

" don't make me regret this , alright ?"

 

......................................

 

3 months after the kidnap.

 

" Nothing! " said Helen as she dropped the cell in her hand to the couch with unnecessary force, she huffed and covered her face with both her hands allowing Gabe to hug her to his chest and rub her back comforting ,  
Their relationship had been skittish in the last few months but at moments like that she couldn't prevent herself from leaning in to his assuring touch, 

" I am sorry baby, we will keep trying, we will find another way " he told her but she pushed him slightly so she can look him at the face,

" How?! This is the 5th guy that Kamilah goes to see this week! , she spoke to every conman / previous prisoner in the northeastern coast...no one knows anything about a freaking Kane, no one heard anything about him, it is like he freaking dropped off the planet and took Philip with him"

Tony was sitting on the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee in his hand when he spoke,  
" Sheriff, he will come out , he has no other option, it had been 3 months , whatever he is intending to do he will need a new identity, some papers, and agent Davis already talked to all the people who can provide him with such a thing, he can't hide forever, not after the word in the street about someone giving money to any information about Kane" 

" what if he is not even in the country any more? What if we already missed him?"

" honey, we are doing everything we can possibly do! " 

She was about to answer him when Lukas came running down the stairs. He was practically living with them now since Bo threatened to disown him if he didn't go back to racing.  
The father and son were fighting all the time, losing all their common grounds day after day, Bo was not a big fan of waiting , he wanted Lukas to start living his life again but the problem was that after the accident and what happened to Philip, Lukas was hardly ever near a motorcycle, the last time he even tried he ended up having a panic attack .  
He was sleeping 3 to 4 hours a day and his schoolwork was a hot mess. He just wanted to take things slowly and his dad gave him that for sometime, thinking it was only temporary , but when 3 months rolled up and nothing change, Bo just couldn't take it anymore. 

" Good morning "

Lukas said loudly while putting on his shoes on and adjusting his backpack on one shoulder, 

" you want any breakfast Lukas? "  
Asked Helen but the boy shook his head,

" I am already running late, Rose in the car outside"  
He opened the door then paused for a second looking at the 3 adults , but when Gabe sadly shook his head, Lukas ducked his head and kept going. 

....................

" it smells good in here" Said Ryan with a yellow smile on his face as he entered the small kitchen.  
Philip was standind bare foot, leaning over the stove and pouring down some spaghetti in two plates, he murmured a small thanks and moved slowly to put the 2 plates on a small table just outside the kitchen .

His right foot still hurt badly from the piece of broken glass that pierced it 2 days ago when Ryan through a glass at him, the cut didn't really closed completely, it still bled a little every time Philip's foot touched to floor and this is why he made sure not to walk on it as much as he can which only ended up with him jumping slightly on one foot for the last couple of days. 

But then, he knew he deserved it . .

For the matter of fact, it was his own fault since the grilled chicken he made the other day tasted like Shit. Ryan had warned him not to waste the food like that , but Philip's mind was just too thick for him to follow all the orders correctly . He kept doing mistakes and leaving Ryan no option but to hurt him.

They sat on the table facing each other but Philip kept his head down and didn't start eating till Ryan gave him permission .  
The Spaghetti tasted great , or at least that what Philip thought since it was his first proper meal in 2 days,

" that wasn't so hard now , Philip, was it? To serve a proper meal? Was it too freaking difficult? !"

Philip hand shook a little,  
" N-no sir"  
Ryan hummed around his food and took out his phone ,looking through stuff and ignoring Philip for the rest of the dinner.  
Once they finished , Philip cleaned the dishes then came back to where Ryan was sitting on the couch.  
The boy sat on the floor at the man's feet and kept his head low till Ryan finally acknowledged him,  
" here"  
He said then threw him a zipped plastic bag,  
It had a small bag of powder, a metal spoon , a syringe, a thin rubber band and a lighter. 

Philip thanked him sincerely couple of times before he took out the stuff and went on the daily mission like a pro.  
Heating the powder in the spoon till a thick liquid was formed ,pulling it in to the syringe before securing the band above his elbow and sticking the needle there.  
It only took a minute for the high to hit and he was smiling to himself and kissing Ryan shoes like they were the most precious thing in the world,  
" thank you , thank you sir..you are so good to me"

Ryan only chuckled and pushed him away slightly,  
" well , aren't we grateful today ?" He laughed a little,  
" Did I tell you how much I like you like that? " he ran his fingers through the boy's hair before pulling it and forcing Philip to look at him.

Philip only smiled adoringly,  
" you are sooo good to me sir , you take good care of me" he blushed a little making Ryan chuckle again and stroke his face ,

" such a pretty face " Ryan said with a distant look in his eyes like he wasn't even seeing Philip ,  
" so bad you are not a girl, we would've so much fun together "  
He said with little sadness in his voice then retrived his hand and pushed Philip away ,going back to his phone.

Philip eyes blinked slowly at the man , feeling a sudden burn coursing through his spine, something he didn't feel in a long time . He moved slowly to his knees then placed his hand on Ryan's jeans cladded leg , fingers travelling shyly up .

Ryan looked at him ,  
" what do you think you are doing?" He rose his eyebrows catching Philips hand.

The boy only smiled shyly at him then slurred,  
" well ,..you take such a good care of me Ryan , I want to take care of you too" he blushed again like a little girl and gave the man his best puppy eyes, but Ryan face only went serious and his grasp on Philips hand tightened ,  
" don't you ever do that again " he said with a thick anger in his voice and twisted Philips hand painfully till the boys eyes filled with tears,  
" but ...I thought. .I .."

Ryan only increased the pressure,  
" I tell you what to do and what to not! You are not allowed to improvise! Who you think you are ,you little bitch, putting your filthy hand on me like that , ha?!"

Philip whimpered helplessly , his high was subciding and being replaced by severe pain , he felt his fingers were about to snap like twigs,

" next time I will break your hand if you ever do it again, you understand? !"  
Philip nooded frantically till Ryan finally released his hand .

The boy hugged his hurting hand to his chest and crawled slowly little bit further from where Ryan was sitting , he sniffed few times before he spoke,  
" I'm sorry. .I'm sorry"  
Ryan just rolled his eyes then gave a little sigh ,  
" it is okay ..This is your first time..you didn't know "

Philip calmed immediately with relief,  
" I know.. I am filthy . I know .. I am so sorry I tried to touch you and get my yukkness near you"

Ryan nodded ,  
" yes , yes you are Philip, I am glad you are aware of what you really are, but it is okay now, I told you before I have a big heart , I will forgive you this time , but don't you dare doing it again "

" I won't. .I won't I promise"

" good , now , you know that doesn't mean you won't get some punishment though "

Philip cried little harder and lowered his eyes to the floor,  
" I know " he whispered 

The man on the couch seemed to give it little bit of thinking,  
" food? drugs? or my leather belt? " he finally asked casually like a parent offering candies to their child,  
Philip bit in his lip for a moment before lowering his head in surrender,  
" food .." he said broken 

Ryan nodded ,  
" okay ..you know what that means now Philip ..only water for you for the next 3 days"  
Philip swallowed hard but nodded , it won't be easy but he can't just take another beating so soon and the drugs where out of question,  
" thank you sir" he said with overwhelming sense of grateful taking over him, Ryan was sush good for giving him choices in his own punishment like that .

Philip thought he was a lucky boy..

.........................

7 months after the kidnap.

" anything ?!" Asked Helen  
" I am sorry.." Kamilah shook her head..

..................

 

Ryan was out since morning, so Philip was just cleaning up even though he just cleaned everything yesterday and the day before and the day before. ..  
Still , it was his everyday job, clean and make dinner.  
He finished dusting the technically dustless furniture before sliding down to the floor and pushing his back to to the wall.  
Boy oh boy , didn't He feel tired...  
It was easy to work when the drugs where still running through his blood stream but when they ware off , he crushed , and when he crushed, he crushed hard! 

Some days he could only lay on the floor because of how tired he felt , Others, he had to remind himself not to stop breathing because he feared he was too tired to even do that..  
Ryan would find him like that and just put a syringe between his hand like the amazing man that he was.  
Blessed his heart , the man was a saint ..  
Philip honestly thanked his lucky stars for putting him with such a great carer.

Ryan fed him, jacked him up and put a roof over his head, all for practically nothing, he just asked him to make some dinner; clean around and listen to the orders, ha, piece of cake..  
Plus, he also praised him when he did things right, ruffled his hair and told him he was a good boy..  
It would've been so perfect if Philip only didn't keep messing around and cause himself troubles , really it was his own fault he was so stupid.  
But it is okay , all what Ryan did was in sake of making Philip a better person, the punishments meant learning a new lesson , and those punishments which hurt so bad made Ryan extra gentle with him after they finished , so Philip didn't really mind..  
He wondered how he managed to live a lifetime before meeting Ryan , who would take care of him so selflessly like that ?  
He tried to search his memory for clues of how he used to live? the kind of people who he knew? but he didn't remember anything . He frowned his face and focused real hard once again, but he found that anything before Ryan was a blur ..

It must have been so stupid anyway, how else was he supposed to live ?! This was perfect..  
'you are so silly Philip' he told himself,  
' Ryan is real angel for putting up with all your stupidity '  
He shook the silly ideas out of his head and stretched his limps in big lazy yawn, squinting in exhaustion and that when his eyes caught something weird.  
The big wooden door of their lovely home was slightly agar and not firmly locked like it was always been.  
Philip blinked couple of time in disbelief, no way this could be true! Ryan always made sure to lock the door, never had he ever forgot such a thing!  
Still , curious like the little mouse that he is he stood up and walked slowly to the door , all the voices in his head warned him not to do it but Philip legs didn't hesitate. .  
He touched the door cuiously giving it a small push and watched at fascination when it rocked few times to the front and back.  
It was clearly open.  
Philip breath picked up, and he tried to open it this time for the sake of his killer curiosity of seeing what is behind it .After alll, he had only been on this side of the door for as long as he remembered and he had no idea what was outside these four walls.

He traced the doorknob and pulled it slowly , holding his breath in anticipation, but then through the slightest crack of the slowly opening door came a strong hand that lifted Philip from the front of his shirt.  
He felt his feet leaving the floor bineath them and dangling in the air before he ever had the chance to glanc behind that door .

Ryan face was suddenly in front of his and Philip felt his blood turning cold by how angry the usually cold expression had looked.

"You piece of ungrateful little shit!!" 

The man cursed while pushing the door with his foot and hoisting Philip against the wall so fast that the boy felt his head spinning, Ryan looked at him with spikes flying from his eyes and Philip could only shake his head and cry hard,  
" am sorry. .am sorry I swear I. ."

" SHUT UP !" 

Ryan pushed him hard making his head hit the wall with a loud thud, and for a moment the world tilted upside down and everything went black before his eyes refocused,

" I thought you deserve my hard work! after everything I did for you ! practically saving your whore ass , keeping you freaking alive"

Ryan snarled,  
" wasting my time on you, you useless bastered, son of a bitch"  
He punched him hard in the stomach.  
Philip felt the bile rising up his throat .  
" I ..I .."  
He tried to talk but Ryan punched him again ,maneging effectively to shut him up ,  
" I could cut your damn tongue right now for not to hear your stupid, lame, freaking lies"  
Ryan hit him with every word till Philip was on the the edge of consciousness , his body was throbbing and his head was spinning.

His hitter noticed and immediately started dragging him by his hair,  
" no way freaking princess, no,no, no,you are not allowed to fall asleep right now "

He brought him to the bathroom and in one swift movement he puched the boy's head in to the toilet,  
Philips eyes flew open and he started caughing and choking , his arms would have been flailing if not for Ryan's firm arms constricting them

" you disappoint me , you shame me , honestly! You are nothing! "

Ryan shouted in venom laced voice,  
"if you die right now, right here no one will look at you twice"  
He rose Philips head for a fiction of second before pushing it again under the water,

" Even if I dropped your dead ass in front of a police station they would throw it in the back alley dumpster , too disgusted to deal with it"  
He pushed harder and Philip felt his world going hazy , the voice above him getting muted and distorted,  
"You are a dirty worthless piece of shit..."

Philip felt dissociated, 

""...don't understand why it's too hard for you to see that..."

" whore...." 

" ....less ,,I don't. ..."

He didn't know what exactly was happening , but suddenly he was on the bathroom's floor caughing up a lung , gasping and clawing his own throat like it was on fire.

Ryan face came out of no where and he crouched in front of him,  
" you don't even deserve to eat from a plate or sleep on a matters , you don't even deserve to go to the bathroom, low grade animals like you should be kept locked up in a cage , laying in their own filth all day"

He spit on his face, and Philip only shook like madness , pain and cold engulfing him.

Ryan started dragging him back to the damn door again , Philip only felt his heart filling to the brim with hate towards the freaking door ,  
"where would you go if I open this door and let you walk away?! In fact here ,"  
Ryan threw the door opened , and through his swallowed eyes Philip saw another wall few steps from the door, his heart broke, it was only another wall , all of this was only for another wall, 

" it's wide open and I am not gonna stop you" Ryan signed with his hand as a permission,  
"few hours from know you are going to wish you have been dead before you ever thought of leaving "  
And didn't Philip know that , he knew ..god ! He would not make it ,he would never survive alone like that ...plus , leaving Ryan ?! To where exactly?  
He only cried and shook hos head, while Ryan disappeared for a moment then came with a wooden bar in his hand,  
" okay , bitch, let's make sure you learn this lesson once and for all"  
Philip heard the " woooof" in the air before the bar hit his left leg , just above his knee .  
The snap of the bone was muffled by his scream , the bile made its way this time out his mouth as his world narrowed to nothing but pain,

" you are going to spend the night in the damn bathroom today, no heroine for your ass " Ryan told him when Philip screams died in to a hoarse whimper of incoherent chanting of,  
" s'rry ..s'rry ..s'rry"

" freakin broken cassette ..." Ryan spit on him again ,  
" crawl to the the freaking toilet ! If I found any of your disgusting mess on my floor I will freaking kill you "  
He then walked away and left Philip sobbing. .

.......................................

 

10 months after the the kidnap 

Philip limped slowly to where Ryan's truck was parked .  
After that door accident few months ago he almost died. The withdrawal was so bad his heart almost stopped, but Ryan, his hero, with all his usual smartness knew exactly when to save him before he dies..

He saved Philip's life..

But then the boy contracted pneumonia because of the water in his lungs and Ryan had to save his life again , putting him in bed and giving him all the types of medicine that finally made him better , he even kept him in bed for extra month for his leg to heal, which made It clearly Philip's fault that it didn't heal properly and he ended with a stupid limp , after all Ryan gave him all the time and the care in the world but his body was just too faulty.  
He pushed himself up to reach the high seat of the huge truck, wincing a little when some of his cracked ribs shifted. It was from earlier this week but as usual everything in Philip's body took forever to heal . Ryan told him that it was no fun to punish such a weak body and fear it is going to break any moment , he even called him " fragile flower" few times which made Philips eyes sting with shame.  
He wished he was strong enough to pleas Ryan the way the angel deserved...  
Yeah, for Philip, Ryan would always be his saving angel..

When he finally rested his back against the leather seat , he opened the glove compartment and took out a baseball cap and some sunglasses and put them on, Ryan always made sure they both wear those stuff in public, he told Philip his fragile body can't tolerate the sun heat otherwise, and Philip heart melted with the knowledge of his angel taking care of him like that..  
He fell in love with the man more and more with every passing minute . ..  
Ryan joined him in the car few minutes later and told him to take a nap while they drove so Philip took the order to heart.  
It was sometime later when Ryan shook him awake ,  
" Philip , take off your glasses and look at the window "  
The boy did , squinting a little when sunlight hit his sensitive eyes.  
They were on the road side facing a gas station. he didn't recognise anything or anyone so he turned slowly to face Ryan with confused face .  
Ryan pushed his face back to the the window,  
" look at the man and the woman standing next to the black truck"  
Philip obayed and watched where a red head woman with a freckled face talking to a tall slightly bald man , they looked little familiar but he couldn't pin point who exactly they are.

 

" don't you want to go and say hi to your old foster parents " Ryan questioned making him more confused,  
" don't you won't to go back and live with them? "

Philip eyes went wide ,  
" and leave you?!"

" leave you Ryan? !" He repeated in a panicking voice. 

Ryan hummed slightly, 

" don't you want your old life?"

Philip shook his head frantically ,  
" NO !NO ! Never! I will never leave you Ryan! I ...I love you"

The boy hold to his seat involuntarily , making Ryan chuckle a little before gaving him a sweet smile,  
" you are such a good boy Philip" he smoothed the boy face with his thumb few times and Philip felt his heart swell with adoration.  
He could never leave Ryan ...

Never...

..........................

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stockholm syndrome and brain washing are nothing fun now, are they?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What you are looking for is just behind the corner ..

18 months after the Kidnap

" Hey Waldenbech , aren't you coming to Jim's party tonight "

Asked Michael, but Lukas shook his head no, making the other guy frown.  
" you are no fun man ! I don't believe it ! out of all party animals in college, I end up with the most conservative guy in dorms"

Lukas ignored his roommate and pulled the covers over his face, he leaned on his side and toyed with his phone, when he spoke his voice came little muffled,  
" I told you man , parties are not my thing"

" oh yeah..parties...and bars...and movies and let's see what else...every thing includes people per say ?!. ."

Lukas rolled his eyes " I don't hate PEOPLE! "

 

" well you surly enough ignore them"

 

" Micky .."

 

" no man , really, I can't understand what is the matter with you? The moment you finish your class you directly come to dorms and spend all your day messing around with your phone and that old camera , I mean I got it if you are like a geek who studies 24/7 but no offence dude, you barely pass your tests"

Lukas sighed in little annoyance,  
" I know my grades are little poor but I am really trying as much as I can, college is way difficult than high school "

Michael threw his hands in the air,  
" I don't care about your grades man, I am not your parent! I only wish you can have some fun, meat new people, possibly a beautiful girl...you know, you are not bad looking, I bet there will be a girl or two who are interested "

" I am not looking for a girlfriend! " Lukas rolled his eyes despite that Michael couldn't see them,

" who said anything about girlfriend, but that doesn't mean you can't have some fun"  
His friend spoke, but Lukas felt bored from repeating himself everytime someone in college throw down a party ,

" Michael. .just mind your own business please "

 

" come on man ! The only explanation is for you to have a girl back home , ha ? Tell me Lukey , is there some beauty waiting for you to come back to her?" He winked the same time that Lukas heart gave a violent kick,

" yeah " he said in small sad voice,  
" I have someone back home"

Michael shrugged,  
" okay , Mr . desperate romantic guy, I will be going now to Jim's , if you change your mind you know where to find me" he then winked again and left Lukas drowned in his own mind..

...............

NYC was nothing like Tivoli, and this is why Lukas fill in love with it..  
It was big, loud , and people in the streets knew nothing about each other. He enjoyed seeing new faces every day, strangers that didn't know him or judge him, or even give damn about him. it so lebirating and it brought him much relief .

Plus , the city had a familiar waft about it, a unique aura that felt so much like ...  
Philip.

Lukas knew that there where Philip and Anne lived most of their life, so he couldn't stop himself every time he walked a new street or alley, from wondering if Philip was here before, so maybe this was his favourite café or that was his best bike parking spot maybe this amazing bakery was where he brought cake for his mom's birthday , or that small Roses' shop was where he brought her flowers.

It was all unrealistic fantasy that only excited in his head, Lukas knew that , but then imagining that Philip is standing in every corner had came to be Lukas only way of living.  
Rose told him it was not right , and definitely it was not healthy, but there was a big gap between knowing what is right and having the well power to presume it .  
Going back to his old self felt like forgetting about Philip, as if his boy never excisted ! And for Lukas it felt wrong or basically , kind of impossible. Still he told her he was working on it just to not make her worry about him all the time.

After all, Rose was his only and his best friend and after last year, he owed her more than he can ever pay her back for.  
She was simply the most amazing person, so supportive and caring , he knew he wouldn't pass high school let alone get accepted in college if not for her, but just like everyone else Rose didn't understand what was it like to feel part of your soul get ripped out. Facing so much with someone then losing them all of a sudden, the pain in this was something he was never been able to explain it to her , he tried but he found no words that can describe it..

Philip wasn't just his boyfriend, no ,he was his soul mate.

Lukas once heard people talking about how going through a traumatic even with someone create some sort of strong emotional bond between them , sort of mutual dependency that you come to the point of needing the other person near you to feel whole all the time, and he guessed that was a thing he had with Philip.

One other thing for people who face a traumatising event, that some develop PTSD.  
Lukas wouldn't like to admit it at first but after Philip being kidnapped, he clearly went through some of the worse Panic attacks and flashbacks he had ever experienced , particularly about the triple homside in the cabin , which onluly proved that Lukas had PTSD long before the kidnap but Philip's presence was effectively blocking it all, so losing him , for Lukas he felt like he was standing naked in the middle of nowher , so vulnerable and so much alone. He was trying to hang on to anything , any thin rope off hope , any trace of Philip.

It was even more difficult when the investigations was closed and Philip Shea was considered officially dead by the the police one year after he was kidnapped. Lukas never believed it , niether Helen or Gabe but the blonde boy felt more responsible keeping Philip memory alive, speaking his favourite phrases, listing to his favourite music and taking care of his camera..

Some days, only the memory of Philip pushed Lukas out of bed in morning.

Some days it made him feel sad and hollow and gagging with guilt.

He sighed and shook his head in one more attempt to clear it, keeping Philip there ,safe and sound in a happy place inside Lukas mind but having to face the real life at the same time.  
Today was the only days off he had this week and he was intended to fully make use of it . Starting first by his month worth of laundry, he gathered the dirty shirts and underwear making a gagging sound when he he tried to smell them before he collected all of it in a some laundry bag. Usually, he wouldn't let it go this far but since the laundry machine in their dorm was broken, it meant he would have to find some laundry place somewhere to finish the job.

" Hey , Conner" he called the guy next door who was currently roaming around in the hallway between the rooms shirtless with a half beer in hand,

  
" do you know where I can find somewhere to do my laundry ?"

" don't know man.. there is some place down the street I guess" the guy murmured with bored expression on his face.

Lukas thanked him and went on his way to do his chore .. It took him sometime to find the place, old dingy store with few ancient washers and a couple historical dryers.  
He adjusted his first load and prayed this rusty thing doesn't ruin his clothes, then he sat down with his phone in hand waiting for it to finish.  
He went through some old photos for him and Philip for like the milionth time before turning it off and looking around bored. The place was practically empty except for some forty something lady with a toddler on hip and some guy in the far corner from him.  
The lady was huffing in annoyance so he turned his attention to the other guy and watched him casually. He had his back to Luckas so he could see that the guy had long brown hair under a baseball cap, reaching slightly beyond his shoulders ,long sleeves shirt and sweat pants that covered what looked like a really thin built .. He kept binding down to pick up the clothes from the washer and fold them neatly and Lukas could see he had some trouble with one of his legs which was confirmed when he was finally finished and started limping with the folded clothes in a bag securely held by one hand while the other hand had some heavy grocery bag dangling from it .Lukas winced a little at how uncomfortable that must felt so he stood up to offer some help, but then he caught the side of the guy's face under the ratty cap and his heart picked up in his chest.  
The boy however, didn't even see him , he seemed to have no problem carrying his bags while limping out the place like it was something he did everyday.  
The time seemed to slow and the only sound that filled the silence was the noisy sound of the old washer. Lukas blinked like he just woke up from a dream and his hands started trembling the way they do when he was on the prank of having a panic attack.

There was no way that this guy was..shit. This guy was NOT...

_Philip .._

  
He just looked like him..Lukas reasoned to himself but he still doubled down and put his hands on his knees the moment he started hyperventilating, his mouth was dry and his hands were clammy with sweat . He felt someone petting his back softly ,

" are you okay sweetheart, do you need me to call an ambulance? " asked the lady with the toddler but he thanked her dearly and told her he was going to be alright. .  
It took him few of hours to put himself to gather , collect his laundry and go back to dorms..

" where were you man ?! You have been on laundry duty all morning? Or is it that your clothes were stinking so bad that you had to wash them twice " teased Michael the moment Lukas opened the door.  
But the blonde boy didn't hear a word ,he sighed and dropped to his bed,

  
" do you believe in ghosts? "

  
He asked and Michael just gave him" you are nuts" look.

  
..................

He found himself going to the laundry store the next day looking for the familiar guy but with no much luck.  
Then it turned to be an everyday thing , he religiously kept coming the moment the classes ended and practically hanging around the place till night. Micheal thought he finally found himself a girl and Lukas told him to go f%$& himself and leave him alone.

  
Two weeks passed with no sign of the ghost that captured his soul and Lukas thought it was one more of his daytime dreams and that the guy didn't even exist, it was the only logical explanation and Lukas knew he would destroy the rest of his grades if he kept postponing his study and wasting his life in chasing a mirage.

  
But he still kept going . .

On one particular Friday, he went to the soon to become his second home by how much time he spent there, it was around 4 P.M and he kept walking in circles around the shop like every day and hoping that today is the day he would see that guy again ..

But, like every other day , there was Nothing...

He sighed in frustration and gave up, letting his legs carry him in one random alley in attempt to clear up his mind. It was about 10 minutes walk that he found himself in some strange, not pretty good looking nigborhood. Peeling paint on old apartment buildings , garbage strewn about, and rough looking folks who sat around drinking. His heart gave a little twig of fear and he thought about turning around and going back to dorms, but then he saw the same face that chased his dreams, limping slowly with a bag of grocery in his hands, just few steps away from him, Lukas swallowed hard and froze in sudden panic.  
He watched the guy walking past him before climbing few stairs to one of the aparments building then he disappeared inside .  
This time, despite the baseball cap that only covered half of his face, lukas had no doubt that this was indeed PHILIP!

_His Philip .._

Holy shit after everything, Philip was few minutes from where he spent the last 6 months and ironically enough, Philip appeared that he never even left New York at all!!

Lukas had to do something. .  
........................


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it the End or is it just the Beginning?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last Chapter of this fiction, so I hope you enjoy it :)

" I know what I saw Helen! "  
he yelled in frustration , " I didn't lose my mind!"

"Lukas, honey" he heard her forced voice ,  
" I didn't say that , I am just saying maybe it is a guy who looked like him, New York is a big city, maybe you confused him with someone else "

And she didn't think that Lukas thought about that?! god knows how many times he did ,but then what? his life was falling apart without Philip and suddenly a boy who looks exactly like his boyfriend appeared in his life out of no where, and ironically enough he had to be living few blocks away from him which only drove him crazy with every passing day , so may be both his dad and Rose were right about him losing his mind but how exactly he was supposed to go on with his life if he at least didn't make sure that guy was not his Philip?! How could he Ignore his heart and every cell in his body ordering him to wait for the guy to come out of his old apartment building then hold his face in his hands and look so deep in his eyes till he was 100% sure that he indeed wasn't his boyfriend? 

" Helen, I swear to god it was him, he was walking few feets from me! Carrying freaking laundry and groceries! "

"But Lukas that doesn't make any sense? ! If Philip can walk alone in the streets and do these stuff ,how come he didn't run to the nearest police station or even ask any passing pedestrians in the street for help? How can he see you and walk away!?"

" I don't know Helen, I don't freakin know ! I agree that it doesn't make sense but it. was. Philip! Same face ,same hair albeit little longer,but he was clearly the same person, and I don't know if he saw me or not but ....jeez Helen ! What if that really was him?! "

He heard her deep sigh ,  
"Listen Lukas, I know how bad you would like to believe it is him , I mean , I would die for this person to be him too, but I had spent the last 15 months turning New York upside down to find him! believe me If he was by any chance in there , I would have found him"

He felt his eyes flood with tears ,  
" Helen ! Helen ,please ! I know it sounds crazy!! I know..but What if it was a miracle? ! What if there was 1 percent chance it is him? Don't you want to take it?"

" I don't think. .."  
He cut her,  
" I thought you said you would never stop looking for him! And that you won't go on with your life and just forget about him"

" what?! " he heard her patient tone turning angry,  
" Lukas , you of all people knows that this it is not freaking true! I did not forget Philip , but that doesn't mean I can afford one more time of my heart geting damn break when we reach yet another dead end "

" But Helen! you went after less before!" He didn't want to whine but he didn't know what els to do either,  
"Please ....Please ...I don't know how to explain it but I am sure it is Philip! I am 100% sure.. Please don't let me lose him again " he choked in the last word and there was a minute or two of silence before he heard Helen speaks again, 

" okay...okay..I will come, Lukas, I won't bring any forces with me, I don't want to end up scaring some folks by breaking up in to their house with guns and badges , but I will come"

" thank you, thank you, thank you "  
..........  
Philip woke up that morning feeling pretty sick.  
He was not feeling so good in the last few days, but he didn't want to mention it and disappoint Ryan one more time so he pushed himself and tried to cover it the best way he could . Plus, He knew Ryan had important things to do than babying him,so as much as he craved his angel calming touches he also knew he has to be in his best behaviour to deserve it.  
He fought the warmth of his bed calling for him to make Ryan the great breakfast that he needs , Philip could always have plenty of rest when Ryan leaves.  
Yet, the tiredness was unbelievable, a deep ache in his bones and muscles that made his hands shacking and his head throbbing so bad that it took him double the time he usually needed just to make his way to the kitchen, 

" what it is taking you so long ,boy? " he heard Ryan voice that despite being calm it made him tremble in his place, his knees almost buckling when he tried to hurry up and serve the crumbled eggs,  
" sorry , I'm sorry " he wheezed and put his hand on the back of the kitchen chair not to fill on his face the moment he carefully placed the white plate on the small table,

" you don't look so good? " 

Said Ryan while he gave him a side look ,and Philip felt his eyes sting with tears , he swayed again as he withdrew the hand he placed on the wall for support and tried to straighten, but Ryan's strong arm caught him before he falls,  
" you are burning up "  
Philip heard him say and his heart kicked off , oh god , Ryan is going to be upset with him now, he messed up again, he sobbed and tried to cover his face in shame,  
" hey , hey now" said Ryan lowering his hands down and giving him a sweet smile,  
" no need for crying, pet" he soothed his face and Philip's felt his heart swell with love towards this man ,

" m' sorry "

"It is okay, I am going to give you some more of your drugs and you will feel better in no time"  
He lowered Philip to to the floor and went to fetch up a full syringe, he uncovered both Philip's arms and frowned when he found no good vein in either,  
" We are going to try something new" he told him the same moment Philip felt a hand tugging his waistband down but he didn't worry , he trusted Ryan,

" this is here is your femoral artery, feel the pulse.."  
He felt Ryan sitting him up , his head was swimming and his eyes were burning that he couldn't see straight ,still he tried to focus to make Ryan proud, he felt the older man's hand on his fingers, pressing them to a certain point in his thigh to feel the rapid rhythm of the pulse beneath his index,

"just next to it is your femoral vein" he moved Philip's fingers few milimeters beneath the Pulsing point, Philip nodded despite the dizziness,

"you use the vein, cause if you stick your artery you end up with a clot that may destroy your whole leg ,pet, you may end up with it being cut , got it? "

Ryan then placed the rubber band and pushed the needle in, making Philip go plaint under his hands, the rush of the drugs took away all the pain and the tiredness and drove him to oblivion..  
The older man smoothed his hot brow for a moment before slapping him for no reason but to watch his head lol to the side then he left him on ground and went back to his breakfast like nothing ever happened.  
..................

He just walked out the building gait when he caught sight of them, Behind the parked car he saw the 2 familiar faces looking lost and out of place , so he rapidly walked behind some wall so they don't see him .  
He congratulated himself because his plan seemed to be advancing on it is own perfectly, with Torrance finding the kid, he didn't even need to carry the junkie's body and throw it at their door's, they came on their own..

Ryan once kidnaped a Philip Shea , but that boy died long time ago.. he was allowing her to find someone who had the same face , except she would only be having back a shell of nothing, and it would destroy her..It would destroy all of them..  
................  
'" you sure this is the place?!" Asked Helen eyeing a couple of preteen boys who were smoking in public in the middle of a school day, obviously not in school and obviously not caring about being watched.  
She shuddered when she thought about people raising little kids in such a neighbourhood and kept her hand on the gun on her waist. She could feel Luskas stiff body beside hers, he was trembling a little , but she knew it was out of fear of finding out that the guy he dreamed about him being Philip turning out not to be him rather than the fear of the troublesome street,  
" yes " he said affirmatively, not letting out any of the doubts ( that she knew were buried deep) surface to the outside, 

" this apartment building " he pointed ...

 

They kept waiting for hour after hour but expect for a couple of women, no one left the building.  
" what if he isn't going to leave his loft today ?" Said Lukas with a clearly worrying tone that he couldn't conceal no matter how much he tried,  
" maybe we should leave and come tomorrow " 

" Lukas , I can't wait till tomorrow, I already missed a day at work"

" but Helen.." He panicked, clutching her jacket like he was afraid she would walk away and leave him . Helen only shook her head and let out a deep breath  
" okay come on" she said , taking his hand as they walked to where a Latino woman with a baby in hands and another little child were huddled in dowdy clothes , sitting with their backs to the facing building with a can that had few bucks in front of them,  
" hello. ."  
" help please" said the woman with a thick accent ,  
" well , yeah sure ...but first I need your help in finding some one, my name is Helen Torrance, I am a cop" she showed her badge which made the woman freak out suddenly for no apparent reason, she tightened her hold on the baby and scoped the other child closer,  
" ¡Déjame en paz!" She shouted making both Helen and Lukas jump a little,  
" Ma'am, I won't hurt you or take away your kids !" Tried Helen but the woman only shouted louder.  
Helen didn't know what to do, 

" you dont speak any English, do you? ! Inglés?!"

"Dejar a mi familia sola" said the woman again, but a moment later the little child spoke,

" she doesn't speak English " 

The woman was horrified by the boy's attempt to speak, but he leaned to her and whispered something in her ear that seemed to calm her a little even when she kept eyeing the pair of strangers catiously,  
" that is your mom?" asked Helen and watched the little boy nodding, he couldn't be older than 8 year old  
" what do you want from us?" He spoke in small voice

" do you guys live here?"  
Another nod,

"Okay.. first of all ...don't be afraid , I won't hurt you.. I only need your help, can you ask your mom if she knows a guy with long brown hair who lives in this building ?"

He pursed his lips and hesitated for a second before he turned to his mom,

" Mamá,  
¿Conoces a un chico con cabello castaño largo en este edificio?"

" he also have a limp" said Lukas suddenly, making the little boy face screw in confusion ,  
" limp?"

Lukas nodded then tried to simplify it for the kid  
" yeah one of his legs is hurt, so he hobbles when he walks" he said before he watched the boy's face lights with recognition,  
" oh, you mean 'pet'?"

" ' pet' ?!"

" yeah , he walks funny and always wear a hat...I saw him walks with another man before who calls him 'pet'"

Both Helen and Lukas exchanged a look,  
" yeah kiddo , that is him "

The kid pursed his lips again, this time in concentration,  
" mmmmm" he pointed with a thin finger

" that is his window"

............................

Once they walked in to the dilapidated place, a strong rotten smell hit them hard, inside there was a dirty old brown carpet that Helen was sure it was the ugliest thing she had ever seen in her life, burnt out walls that used to be gray in some ancient era before . 

The stairs to the third floor ,where the window the little kid had pointed to, were half destroyed and for a moment a sense of doom came over Helen's ,she felt that the building was going to fall on top of them and they would be buried alive, it made her steps waver a little,  
" I don't believe this place..It feels ominous "  
Lukas seemed to not hear anything she said though , he walked directly to the end of the ugly hallway to where a thick brown door with no number on it stood alone,  
" I think that is it" he said so Helen just took a deep breath and kept her right hand on her gun,

"Okay, that is it.. step a side Lukas , the last thing I need is you being caught in fire if some crazy person decided to shoot first and ask later " 

She then started knocking on the horrendous door,  
" hello...hello..is anyone here?"  
She repeated the call few times but there was no answer,  
" maybe no one is here?" Lukas said  
"Or maybe it is the wrong apartment! "

" hello, anyone inside?" Helen shook her head and kept knocking  
" Excuse me. My name is Helen Torrance and I work with the police, can I talk to you. .Sir, Ma'am?"  
Few long minutes later, they heard the door opening slowly with a loud squeak, a thin crack with a shadow of someone behind,  
" s-stop...m'head h-hurt' .." they heard a whisper 

" I am sorry to bother you Sir, but I am looking for ..." Helen was interrupted by the loud thud the moment the person behind the door decided to suddenly collapse in the middle of her talking, 

" oh my god. ." 

She pushed the door open to find the guy sprawled down unconscious , his long hair falling all over his face , she crouched down to check his Pulse , panicking a little when she was met with a weak yet very fast, unhumanely fast, thudding beneath her finger , his wheezes were loud and his skin was as hot as flame, too  
" hey hey ! Are you alright? !"

" it is him Helen !"  
She turned her head and watched in slow motion when Lukas, who she almost forgot he was there too, was now kneeling down and brushing the brown hair away to reveal a set of too familiar features. For a moment, she thought it was a dream and she was going to wake up in any minute, 

" Helen ! Helen ! It is Philip! " Lukas said while he frantically brushed the hair strands away , his trembling fingers hovering over the pale features like he was afraid to touch him,

" Oh my God!" She whispered in shock , overwhelmed by the fact that it was indeed Philip, 

" Philip ,hey Philip, baby. .wake up , why is he not waking up?!..Helen what is wrong with him?!"  
Shouted Lukas desperately which was the trigger that Helen needed to switch back to reality, she cupped the unconscious boy's face then her hand touched his forehead , her stomach flipped with fear and she fought to gain control over the situation, 

"Holy shit he is burning up! ..Lukas call an ambulance immediately! "

She ordered , and despite being reluctant to move anywhere that is not next to Philip, Lukas finally obayed.

Helen stood up and made a fast swap around the small yet supprisingly clean loft, she made sure no one else was in there before she went back to where Lukas was know holding the passed out boy's hand and begging him to be okay,  
Her own heart was beating fast in her chest and her hands were shaking..  
She took out her phone and dialed a well known number, 

" Tony ..hey Tony I will send you my location now, I need you to send me some back up and...talk to the FBI , I found Philip, He is hurt but he is alive.. and Kane is not here"  
" HELEN ! HELEN"  
Lukas started screaming like he lost his mind all of a sudden which made her turn around so fast that she may had ended with a whiplash just to look at him, thinking that Kane was now standing with a gun pointed to his head , but instead she found Lukas leaning with his head on Philip's thin chest and his face white with panic,

"Help me Helen! He Stopped Breathing! !"  
...............................

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A cliffhanger ! Yeah :D  
> But it means that this story didn't end yet..  
> In fact this is just the first part of it..  
> I guess everyone has a lot of questions that need to be answered :  
> -Is Philip going to make it? And if he did who is he now? Did old Philip desapear forever?  
> \- How do Lukas , Helen and Gabe are going to cope with this?  
> -and are we going to see more of Kane?
> 
> Well....stay tone for the sequelae and till then have a nice time reading this part ;)


End file.
